Now, a lot of you are probably wondering… why Jerry isn’t with us tonight. Well, I’ll tell you. The fact is he’s tied up. I’m the one who tied him. Well, I know you think I’m joking… but, believe me, that’s the only way… I could break into show business… by hijacking Jerry Langford. Right now, Jerry is strapped to a chair… somewhere in the middle of the city. Go ahead, laugh. Thank you. I appreciate it. But the fact is, I’m here. Now, tomorrow you’ll know I wasn’t kidding… and you’ll think I was crazy. But, look, I figure it this way. Better to be king for a night than schmuck for a lifetime. Thank you. Thank you.

- Robert De Niro alias Rupert Pupkin in Martin Scorseses The King of Comedy